Matthew 14

4 At that time Herod the ruler^[a] heard reports about Jesus; ² and he said to his servants, “This is John the Baptist; he has been raised from the dead, and for this reason these powers are at work in him.” ³ For Herod had arrested John, bound him, and put him in prison on account of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife,^{[b] 4} because John had been telling him, “It is not lawful for you to have her.” ⁵ Though Herod^[c] wanted to put him to death, he feared the crowd, because they regarded him as a prophet. ⁶ But when Herod’s birthday came, the daughter of Herodias danced before the company, and she pleased Herod ⁷ so much that he promised on oath to grant her whatever she might ask. ⁸ Prompted by her mother, she said, “Give me the head of John the Baptist here on a platter.” ⁹ The king was grieved, yet out of regard for his oaths and for the guests, he commanded it to be given; ¹⁰ he sent and had John beheaded in the prison. ¹¹ The head was brought on a platter and given to the girl, who brought it to her mother. ¹² His disciples came and took the body and buried it; then they went and told Jesus.

Feeding the Five Thousand

¹³ Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. ¹⁴ When he went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them and cured their sick. ¹⁵ When it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a deserted place, and the hour is now late; send the crowds away so that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” ¹⁶ Jesus said to them, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” ¹⁷ They replied, “We have nothing here but five loaves and two fish.” ¹⁸ And he said, “Bring them here to me.” ¹⁹ Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven, and blessed and broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. ²⁰ And all ate and were filled; and they took up what was left over of the broken pieces, twelve baskets full. ²¹ And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children.

Jesus Walks on the Water

²² Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. ²³ And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, ²⁴ but by this time the boat, battered by the waves, was far from the land,^[d] for the wind was against them. ²⁵ And early in the morning he came walking toward them on the sea. ²⁶ But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out in fear. ²⁷ But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.”
²⁸ Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” ²⁹ He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he noticed the strong wind,^[e] he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” ³¹ Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” ³² When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. ³³ And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Jesus Heals the Sick in Gennesaret

³⁴ When they had crossed over, they came to land at Gennesaret. ³⁵ After the people of that place recognized him, they sent word throughout the region and brought all who were sick to him, ³⁶ and begged him that they might touch even the fringe of his cloak; and all who touched it were healed.

_______________________________________________

 Jesus feeds the 5,000 with five loaves and two fish...really it is more like he fed 8,000 to 12,000 (when you count women and children) with five loaves and two fish and then had a massive surplus.It is a really inspirational story about God's power and ability to provide...until you read it closely.  The unsettling part of this account is not Jesus power over the laws of matter and physics.  The unsettling part is just before that, when Jesus asks how much the disciples have on them.

There are 13 men there.  5 loaves of bread and 2 fish seems like just barely enough for them to eat and not be hungry.  Just barely enough.  Jesus calls them to give away what they have...not their surplus...not their excess...not 10% of their food.  They are to give it all to him out of obedience and hope that he will not leave them hungry.

I am a really good giver...after my bills are paid and my savings account is appropriately filled and contingencies are planned for.  I love being able to give gifts and support missionaries and bless those in need around me...as long as my generosity will not put me in a hole.  The thing is, we tend to have just barely enough come in each month, if we are lucky.  Usually we have almost enough come in and then have to try to figure out how to deal with the rest of the bills.  The first things to be dropped when I am doing bills is my giving.  I am not going to drop my house payment or my utilities or my food, right?  Right?

To be fair, God has never called me to give up my monthly paycheck in order to buy a single meal for thousands of people.  But if he did?  This feel good story gets really uncomfortable really fast.  God is a God of abundance.  I am a firm believer in that.  But as I look at this passage, I am confronted by the fact that first the disciples have barely enough.  Then they obey Jesus and they have nothing.  Nothing.  Then they watch God do a miracle for everyone else.  Then they have an abundance.  This entire process comes without Jesus giving them a script for how it will go.  They are not told their 1/2 loaf of bread ration will become a huge basket filled with more food than they can eat.  They just have to trust that Jesus will take care of them.  That is a high call.

Maybe that is why so many of us are willing to live on just barely enough.  Just barely enough money.  Just barely enough relationship.  Just barely enough hope.  Just barely enough________.  We would prefer a life that is a daily struggle and grind as opposed to a life of abundance if the life of abundance requires a moment when we are completely empty and dependent upon a God who may or may not come through.

I come to a passage like this and I am not sure what to pray for.  Abundance?  Courage? To be left alone?  The script?  I don't really know what I want.